i sat all morning and watched babies being born on youtube.

i have been waiting for this rain since... well, i guess i'm always waiting for rain. how exciting it would be to be a raindrop. think of the adventure! you form inside a cloud, fall to earth, land on something, shatter into countless parts, seep into the ground, are absorbed by a plant, split into different elements and released, and eventually back into a raindrop.

a rain drop is made of millions of different raindrops; a little mosaic of water.

i would give my life to be a raindrop.



as wonderful as it has been to see you all, i miss santa cruz. i just feel out of place in antioch when i'm not downtown or hanging out with people. i have just forgotten what people ever did here. i will never forget the friends i have met here nor will i forget how they have affected me; i think it's just time to move on.

besides mr. panther, i dunno when i'll be back in antioch. maybe the summer, maybe not.

we just need to embrace this chance to fly.

maybe that means being homeless somewhere, abandoning all preconceived notions of structure and society. maybe it means living in a van down by the river. maybe it means being the river. i have no idea but i plan to find out.

three weeks is a long time to sit at home and wait to leave.

it feels like there is so much more i need to prepare; yet, at the same time, it seems like all i have left to do is pack.

this might be the perfect time to go visit my mom.

i need some distractions.

what i really need is a bike ride.

i lost one of my hamsa hands today.

it may seem trite, in many ways it kind of is, but they were my balance.

i hope whoever finds it can either find me or find meaning in it like i did.

So, i'm very happy that Comedy of Errors and The Taming of the Shrew have drawn to a close. It was exciting being in two Shakespeare shows at once but ultimately, very, very, taxing on both my mind and my shape.

Theatre people are my kind of people, as are carnies.

 I feel the need for an adventure calling me but not a day long adventure but an in-depth excursion into humanity. I'm thinking of train jumping and just seeing where it goes. Ride for a few days and make my way back somehow. That'd be an adventure.

I need to do something.

If i don't find it, it will find me.

cause, i've got ta have faith, faith, faith.

( well, i guess it would be nice if i could touch ya body, i know not everybody has got a body like you...)

So, i went to the UC Santa Cruz summer orientation the other day and it was phenomenal.

the campus is littered with trees and trails. the ocean is but a bike ride away. there are trash and recycling bins everywhere because the people there care about the campus and the environment. i can't wait to find a tree to climb that has the perfect branch for me and my macbook, Brachylophosaurus, to sit and work. Oh, and the entire campus is wireless!

However, one of my favorite aspects of UCSC is that the campus is alive. People don't leave every weekend to go home. There are restaurants open 24 hours.  There are clubs and places to explore past 9pm. There is no curfew to be back in your bed. I've never needed someone to regulate my life's structure and i'm orgasmic at the freedoms santa cruz is going to give me. I'ma be an adult.





this is what i've been waiting for.

this is what's been waiting for me.

oh my word, my family is a soap opera.

the next time i see you, ask me to divulge the juicy past my family harbors.

i be graduated.

:)

i feel the need to reinvent myself. something about today and tomorrow and the next day just seem to need a never-before-seen petey.

jungle book closes tomorrow and with it my career with antioch rivertown theatre. when it comes to their children's theatre, I have had a lead role in every  show since the eighth grade. Nine kids' productions to date. No wonder i need change.

there is a cascade of change all around; an avalanche of opportunities that seem both unreal and ridiculously exciting.

I used to feel bad about having such amazing days. I felt like i was sucking up the Earth's supply of internal sunshine and that someday, i would feel the balance of using up all my good days and be left with only shitty ones.

however, now i am beginning to think that this is my cosmic equilibrium. everything i have gone through in the past has allowed me to embrace the world and be happy now. i am balanced and complete. universe: 1. peter: 1.  the score is tied, bitches.

bwahah.

i have a new song and it ripples through my soul. let's just say, i can do the mash potato.

There are so many moments where i am forced to stop and appreciate the world around me.

haha, and then there are moments, such as today, when someone screams, "Hey faggot, i'm going to kill you" from his car window.

nothing seems to get my goat anymore. because, it doesn't bother me when people commit such simplistic hate crimes because i know, that in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. I can be a human being without their validation of my character. y'know?

it's a wonderful feeling to realize that you know who you are.

highlight of the evening:

being crowned mr. panther, aka homecoming king.

give me time to find the words to describe this.

this is what some puppets dream about.

Everything hurts and in a weird way, everything feels wonderful. i'm loopy and full of water and pizza.

tonight was closing night for, "Drop Dead!" and it took a lot out on us. Not so much emotionally because all of us have been in theatre for 10+ years and so we've learned to barricade ourselves from emotionally dying every time a show closes. However, physically, we were smashed. We were either broken, bruised, bent, or beaten in some manner we were unaccustomed to being handled. i wil need some time to repair and recover if i ever hope to get back to my original state. man, this play killed me.

however, i did walk away with a stage manager's salary since i acted as pseudo/legitimate stage manager for the show. that chunk o' change is wonderful and will certainly help me get through until i actually get a real job. haha, as if acting isn't legitimate work.


on a side note, EVERYTHING good that could possibly happen, is happening to me.

i just think you all should know that i am having an amazing time right now. And, should you need to borrow some good times, i have plenty to spare.

just drop me a line and i will open my repertoire of happiness and let you have at it.

seriously, this is not a test. you are welcome to my slice of splendor.

AAAAAAHHH!

i'm too excited to sleep but too exhausted to stay awake. i think i'll just go pass out on my bed and hope that my alarm wakes me.

tomorrow we strike the set for "Drop Dead!" and build the set for "Jungle Book". then i'm going dress shopping with my homecoming escort.

Oh, i was approached by a teacher at my high school and asked if i would be interested Emcee-ing for a convention. I said that generally that would be cool since the crowd would be upwards of 10,000 people and i love large audiences. He said to come talk to him after school to get some details.

long story short, he wanted me to host a for-women-by-women, gay, anime porn show featuring "androgynous males in relationships with other androgynous males."

haha, wow.

what does one say to an offer like that?

so, i wasn't going to post anything because after reading all your entries, mine felt sort of trite.

then, i decided: oh well, life is trite.

i made top 6 for mr. panther, aka homecoming king.

life is pretty amazing.

So, i made top 17 for homecomin' king.

i'm not sure why they chose 17 but by friday it'll be cut to six.

haha, for something so superficial, i'm really nervous; and really excited.

really, really, excited.

(in fact,  i just peed a little.)

damn, look at all them commas.

i just want to sleep.

in english today, i will be clad in the finest of petticoats, three of them actually, and the cheapest cocktail dress money could buy.

oh, the things i do for theatre. we're performing scenes from shakespeare's taming of the shrew. my AP teacher suggested i play katherine, the shrew. it'll be... interesting.

i love the world in the morning. it just seems so quiet and benign. as much as i love dreaming, i love waking up. there's this feeling of, "get up! the world is happening around you!"  that just surges through me.

especially when something like Down on the Corner by Creedence Clearwater Revival is playing. my god do i love that song.

i wish my journal was representative of my writing capabilities. almost as if my journals were a portfolio because I always wonder if i died and people were looking through my writings, would they find anything good?

oh well, i'll work on being amazing in my writing some other time.

i'm off to my senior year.

For the first time in years, i bought new shoes from a department store. i also found out my foot is smaller than i thought. For some reason, i have been buying an 8.5 since middle school when really, i'm only a 6. Ain't that funny?

Haha, you're reading about my feet. That is funny.

Hmm, i have some new news:

Dreamgirls is amazing. Seriously you should go see it.

I'm in two new plays downtown.

"Drop Dead" is a murder mystery farce where there's a play within a play. Blah Blah Blah. It's hilarious. You should all come see it. There's lots of sex and scantily clad ladies. Well, there's only one but she's enough for the entire show. Really, we need an audience. I'll post a flyer soon with a real description of the play. I play Phillip, the stage manager whose heart beats wildly for the play's director, Victor La Pewe. You'll get to see me in love with an old man and the creepy aftermath. Not to mention people get murdered. It's Ridiculous. I love it. Oh, plus i am supposed to wear the tightest leather pants i can find. There's a show in itself. ;-)

Also, i'm Shere Kahn (the tiger) in "The Jungle Book". Rehearsals start next week along with more Drop Dead rehearsals.

Jungle Book from 4-5:30 and Drop Dead from 7:30-10 for two whole weeks. all that and AP English is going to kill me.

DISCLAIMER: the computer's clock in the lobby of the best western was wrong and wouldn't let me change it so this was posted as July of 2002 but it was really, three days ago. :)

in all honesty, the stars really are brighter in SoCal.

my parents are creating havoc in the hotel room so, i have found refuge in the lobby of the best western. Oddly enough, they have the internet here and a computer to use. aaahhhh... salavation.

my sister and i are actually getting along really well. almost like the quiet before the storm. eh, it's nice. we're all buddy-buddy and acting like sisters.

the car ride was... an experience. i do not see why my mom and step-dad are married. they seem to hate each other so much at times that it seems as if the rift between them is ungappable. ungappable. that, my friends, is an ugly word. maybe it's not even a word to begin with. real or imaginary it's ugly.

the southern air has made me a bit loopy.

tomorrow, i get to meet some great aunt i have never heard of and the next day we drive back.

jen and i are going to try to squeeze in getting to see "Dreamgirls" the day we leave because we nearly peed ourselves listening to the soundtrack.

Oh! here's something that pisses me the fuck off: my sister cannot stand when people sing along to the radio or to any music really. however, she'd never tell anyone that she wasn't extremely close to so she's always telling me to be quiet and that i am ruining the artist's work by singing along and blah blah blah. it has nothing to do with my personal singing voice being terrible, she just seems to hate creativity and expression sometimes. it's frustrating since, even if not by profession or training, i'm a singer.

and, i can belt. i can belt and it feels amazing. so, when someone tells me i'm singing too loud, i get defensive. i pull inward and start to regret interacting with them.

my days in southern california should be interesting. very, very, interesting.

my ID came today! my checking card came today!

Ah, it feels nice.

not to mention, it's one more step into being a responsible adult.

i can now buy my own train tickets.

go to any movie.

buy stuff online.

shop anywhere they accept visa.





plus, i'm actually rather fond of my picture.

:D

a stranger said, "You don't stop laughing when you get old. You get old when you stop laughing." that's my new mantra.

we had secret santa today, and jessica gave me three almond joys and an amazing hand-made christmas card. it never ceases to amaze me how many wonderful people you can find when you take the risk of letting the world see your heart.

i have got to start working on the cards i want to give out.

alright, i'm taking the hint. i'm working on them now.

lately, i have tried my hardest to be an adult.

it mostly worked.

recently pros:

i set up a checking account.

i returned my senior pictures.

i rode 6.5 miles to the DMV and back and applied for an ID. 2-4 weeks and that sucker is mine.

I deposited checks and transferred money.

I mailed letters, postcards, and will soon mail ix nay her package (just have to decorate the box).

recent cons:

i got stranded at regal and had to call Sara and Angel to come rescue me. Which they quickly jumped in their car and saved me. :) something as simple as a ride home from the opposite side of town can mean so much.


i'm glad to not be spoiled but sometimes, it'd be nice to have what i need and what i want.

y'know?

haha, i feel so trivial sometimes.

the elastic broke in my underwear today. that was ironically amusing.

i had a a wonderful day in the city with mikey. there was so much to do and so much to be done. it was nice to be able to meet someone who likes to do as much, if not more, than i do in a day.

life is pretty wonderful right now.

i mean, there are so many reasons to smile.

i'm going to take out the trash. i'm going to type up an essay. i'm going to start caring more than ever about what i can do to make the people around me as happy as i am.

Tomorrow, i'm going to the city to have chinese food and ice skating with a ridiculously cute boy.

life is good.

no. it's fucking great.

:)

i see my mom maybe seven to eight times a year. so, this as been difficult merely because i didn't want to do it over the phone and i didn't want to swing by and just drop it on her.

today after pumpkin pie, i told her that her baby was, indeed, a homo.

she took it well. almost too well. my sister and i think she's in denial. which is fine for now, the initial shock is understandable.

i am now officially out to everyone that i have felt the need to tell but was compelled not to.

happy thanksgiving to me!

today was terribly anti-climactic.

i've pulled a muscle in my neck and back, i've temporarily lost the ability to sing more than an octave, and everything else is just sore. but, from what?

i need to slow down. i need someone to slow down with.

haha, woe is me; my life is such a travesty. alright, i'll stop being so whiny.

Pocahontas closed tonight and that makes me very, very happy. I love working with kids but not when the kids don't listen, don't learn, or don't care. There were a few kids in the cast who lost interest half-way through rehearsals and decided to make us suffer because they can't commit to something.

I won't find out what UCs  i am accepted/rejected from for about 100 days. that waiting period is going to kill me. i love lying to my inner child and telling myself that i am a patient person because i'm not. not at all.

i think i need to take a long hot bath and just relax. i've nothing to do tomorrow except a book report. easy day.

and man, oh man, i have fallen in love with cabaret. it is just ridiculous. i have only seen clips and heard the soundtrack but i am going to buy it soon.

it is a must. an economic need.

today has no pattern.

i'm in a play downtown at the nick rodriguez community center.

213 "F" street. antioch, ca  94509



you should come see me play chief powhatan, pocahontas' father.

bring all the little peopel you know and come have a good time!!

tickets are 10 bucks BUT they are being sold two-for-one. so bring someone and get half-off.

:D

generally, i don't see a purpose in posting lyrics. however, today was one of those days where life was a song.

i'll let you figure out which lines.


things are pretty phenomenal. everything is flowing and beating and harmonizing.

gah. i think it's time i go dancing in my underwear. i haven't done that in weeks.

i wish i could lend people some optimism. i have so much at times when others seem to have so little.

i must sound like some immature queer who is just ignorantly blissful and half naked dancing to music that makes feelings flow and hearts beat.

well, fuck you. :) i'm happy.

EDIT: i cannot believe i forgot. i went to the grocery store and went against all my dietary principles and bought nutter butters. nuckin fritter butters. wait, i meant nutter frickin' butters. i haven't had such pure high fructose corn syrup in months. haha!

so, i'm ridiculously tired of being passive.

the next time i see that boy, i'm asking him out.

lately, my days are frustrating.

for example, i was at the castro for halloween and it was amazing. there were hundreds of thousands of people in a 12 block radius just hanging out. There were costumes of all kinds and people of all shapes. I am definitely going next year.

however,  i'm hoping to be going to san francisco state next year and will be able to just hop on muni and head over. just the thought of living in a city, let alone the city, made me want to run and find some bench and fall asleep so i could wake up in SF. I don't know many people who would disturb a sleeping mime on halloween. that was an overwhelming moment. a moment full of excitement for the future and eagerness to move on from antioch and all the emotional trappings holding me down. Most of the memories i have here are bittersweet. I wouldn't mind being able to make some new ones.

then, i woke up today and everything was wrong. i woke up alone. i didn't get to shower. i was late to school.  my neck was killing me. i was starving. i was whiny and full of complaints.

then, i went to rehearsal and realized that so many things are wonderful and that i am very, very, lucky.

I was inspired by the words of Ghandi, "be the change you wish to see in the world".

i'm going to just let myself be happy.

today i went to the East Bay Special Olympics and it was amazing. I have never in my life seen anything as beautiful as these kids. especially the kids from the california school for the deaf.

i'm really hoping that i get accepted to CSU Northridge so that becoming an interpreter is a real possibility. i would jump at the chance to work with deaf children.

i'm going to go watch the sound of music and drink soup.

lately, my mind is becoming less cluttered.

this song reminds me, it's been a year since i was in a serious relationship. i've grown in many ways and possibly regressed in a few as well. everything just seems so volatile. i have to keep reminding myself that the world is forever full of possibilities.

i need some cranberry juice and cheesecake.

how ironic that this should be my 23rd entry. man, if only people could read my mind.

i'm really tired of eating well and not feeling healthy. i need to get over being sick and get over being broken.

i saw megan, KT, drew, and connor earlier today. it was very... plain. it felt like we had no history- as if none of us had ever met and if we were just people standing in the hallway of a high school. i'm not sure if this was good or bad but it happened. i wonder if i'll ever get a run in with them again.

i kind of hope i do.

there are moments where i feel utterly at peace with the flow of things. something about the environment of wherever i am just sets me at ease and everything seems okay. i can't even tell you what went on tonight. i can't describe the atmosphere, the mood, the tone, the details that made my evening so perfect. it's not because i lack the ability to put it into words but because the act of transcribing it would make it lose all meaning and power whatsoever.

i cannot stand my stupid clavicle. i need it to heal and to mend and to forge itself anew. i'm tired of it being cracked or broken or weak or sensitive or tempermental. i just want a normal shoulder unit. gah, it's affecting everything.

i need to go to bed. my mattress is calling me.

i have been having amazing dreams.

for example,

i had a dream i was the actor playing the phantom of the opera. i found my christine in the lobby, waiting. I tried to tell her that we need to be backstage because the audience will see us. She suggested we put on a disguise. The best disguise when in costume is to quickly get out of costume. So we both undressed and stood in the lobby naked and no one noticed us. it was brilliant. We stood there mingling naked for awhile and then proceded to go backstage but the theatre we were performing in was the set from the actual musical. We were climbing up rafters and through other set pieces and around sand bags and up ladders. It was ridiculously amazing. i sleep to dream.

i need some chicken soup.

i think it's official: i'm sick. I've got the soup and the tissues, the hot chocolate and the cough drops, the runny nose, itchy eyes, swollen throat, cracked clavicle, and much less equilibrium than i am used to dealing with.

I just want to crawl into my catacombs of blankets and lay in a fetal position while julie andrews sings to me as if i'm back in the womb with my mom while she watches "the sound of music".

man, that sounds good right about now.

however, i have to settle for potato soup and cranberry juice. at the least, my urinary tract will be appeased.

i'm learning that improv is not always easy

i do not need to remind anyone of how independent i am except for my own dad. he is so non-existent in my life that he never sees the choices i make and the things i accomplish. he only sees me asking him for the occaisonal ride and taking me to the grocery store.

he only sees the little time we share together and he uses that as the basis for his opinion of who i am as an entity. all of who i am is determined by the rarely-accepted ride and the trips to savemart.

i'm so tired of being an adult but living with a man who thinks he regulates me. i don't need him. i need his money. it is sad and horrible but painfully true.

i cannot wait until college.

should there be no money for college because my sister sucked it all up, I'm going to france. i will throw  everything i have here away to live homeless in the city of lights.

i have a goal. i have a plan. i need only myself to get where i'm going.

the improv show went really well.

the theatre was available. the team showed up. an audience showed up. they paid. they laughed. they left. we shut everything down. success achieved.



i may have recracked my clavicle but everything hurts- my head, me clavicle, my heart, and me foot. i just need a windy and rainy fall day; a chance to use my umbrella but fail miserably and end up soaking wet and overjoyed.

i need rain.

things i have had to do for improv in the past few days:

• find a team to play against us
• create flyers
• print enough flyers for all the teachers
• print subflyer explaining to the teachers that we need them to hang it in their class rooms and maybe even mention it to the class.
• attach the two together
• sweet talk the secretary into filing 121 packets into the teachers' boxes.
• put in announcements
• find people to run the booth, concessions, lights, and tickets. ( thank you gary white, courtney enea, and victoria zachery)
• ask ginger to make some more wonderful posters
• ask ms. kingsbury to be our chaperone
• Tomorrow, ginger and i are visiting classes to talk in person about the importance of going to improv shows.
• i had to make sure we had the theatre available, luckily sean ( the teacher) booked it like two weeks in advance.
• spam 200ish myspace friends with the flyer for the show
• post a bulletin about it
• update the myspace group
• find my "rocky horror picture show" CD for preshow music
• decide on my costume: elvis or mime? elvis hella won.
• i think i'm forgetting something.
  
  now, that was the easy part.
  
  this is our first show of the year and i'm really nervous about it going well.
  
  there is so much pressure as captain to make everything flow.
  
  AHH. I"M SO EXCITED> I JUST CAN:T FUCKING HIDE IT>
  
  
  

Today, i skipped school to go see a play and eat cheesecake in the city. Because of my naive clavicle, i haven't been to the city in over a month. I felt san francisco as bart crawled out from under the bay. I stepped off BART at powell street and was suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of excited calm. somehow, that oxymoron existed.

i'm going back again soon. very soon. sans people if i must.

As in everything there is balance and i did not feel as great when i was back home.

you know, i would love to be homeless in the city versus a house in the country.

If you look hard enough, you can find inspiration everywhere. If you try hard enough, you can take that inspiration and manipulate it into something amazing.

I was going through a bout of internal depression. There were many thoughts in my head, all of which seemed complicated and intertwined. Imagine, if you will, a long piece of string that represents my life. every event and experience in my life is a knot. I felt like someone kept wrapping my string into a large ball and then knotting all the wrong knots together and balling and knotting and balling and knotting. Eventually, i felt out of place everywhere i went. I had lost my groove and was far from my path. My shakras were out of alignment. My third eye was closed. My inner child hiding under some bed in my subconscious. Whatever expression you want to associate with it, it was frustrating.

I woke up today and it was gone. True, it could be the remnants of rum in my bloodstream but i would much rather prefer to believe that i am just good. nearly dandy and almost grand at the thought of waking up tomorrow and starting a new day because life is insanely exciting. even the let-downs have thier own form of excitment.

don't worry, this is so peppy that i'm vomitting too.

I think i have just built up a reserve of endorphins from biking so much. I have biked over 50 miles in the past week. Mt. Diablo will fear me.

It only takes one person to change your outlook on life.

This time, it is a very good thing.

i am tired of either feeling like a robot or like a bucket of emotions. i just want to find a happy medium.

i'm having one of those days where i type four or five lines and then delete it all. type four or five lines and delete. type and delete. type delete. tpeyldte.

i am falling in love with my ten-mile bike ride. afterwards, everything attached to my skeleton is tired but also energized. it's a weird juxtaposition to be physically unable to walk from pedaling uphill for 5 miles but feeling the intense need to jump, leap, run, and dance. well, i can't really explain; it's like trying to tell a stranger about rock and roll, i guess.

I went to my final doctor's appointment about my clavicle yesterday. my bones are still inverted and out of place but he said they will heal fine. I am excited about my deformed clavicle bone that will result. I mean, i can't wait to have a bone in my neck that will be asymmetrical to the other one. i love that my body will have stories to tell when i'm old or just drunk.

while i was there, i saw a young man, who was maybe 14, who had injured his wrist falling off his skateboard. He was laughing and joking about it. He went in and you could hear the doctor explaining to him that he was going to set it back in place. For the next 10-12 minutes, solid screaming. screams that literally curdled your blood. he screamed and thrashed and beat the walls and cried out. It was ridiculously intense. all of us patients just sat their frozen, awkwardly reading our AARP or Highlights magazine. I hate doctor's-office magazines.

i can't even begin to describe how grateful i am that my cracked/broken clavicle was so minor.

by the by, I may have strayed away from my groove a little. i'll find it again. it just takes time and a little effort. Both of which i am always finding somewhere.

Drew and i had a very serious relationship in one sense and a la-de-dah-make-believe-fairy-tale-blindness-kind-of-romance in another.

People who i knew while we were dating but not so much after we broke up still come up to me and ask me "how is he?" or "what is he up to?"

Those, i don't mind so much. I can smile and tell them that i haven't talked to him or seen him since... december? maybe november? i don't really remember.

but, i can't stand when people feel the need to update me on his life.

"he's living in walnut creek now!"
"he's living with KT!"
"he got a tattoo!"


if i ever wanted to know about him, i'd just ask Ali.

we dated. we loved. we broke up. now we don't talk. that doesn't seem too out there.

i don't want to become one of those people who can't talk about their past but at the same time i don't want to leave that dirty laundry on the line for just anyone to bring up.

I keep harping about how that group has changed and that that is the reason i stopped liking them. I think now that i am the one who changed, not so much them.

honestly, i wish things hadn't ended the way they did. in some ways, i wish they had never begun.

we are all products of our experiences. i can only thank them for making me see the things i see today.

it's been almost a year since we broke up and this is the first time i am really thinking about what role he played in my life.

in general, i am glad he was there. he helped shape my ideas on love and who i want to be in love with.

what's done is done and we must go on.

don't ask me how but it always happens. everytime the teacher randomly splits the class into groups, i get the lesbian. this time it's the home ec lesbian. i love how the universe always throws us queers together. she's only out to other queers which makes our conversations over pots of hard boiled eggs and trays of cookies extremely exciting.

i'm going through this phase (god, how i hope it is a phase) where i only want to eat tuna sandwiches and drink cranberry juice. everything i used to eat regularly has lost all appeal. it's like i'm pregnant except , well, sans baby.

as a senior, i am going to my first high school football game tonight. I know what you're thinking and I promise the only reason i am going is because i need to help the thespian troupe sell license plate frames.


tomorrow, i think i will get up at five.

five in the morning is the best time in the world to embrace the day.

i am surrounded by beauty. pure and utter beauty.

i can't even begin to describe how amazing the world seems. more importantly, the people in my world seem so wonderful.

i think i have actually done it. i have weeded out all the people that put me down to put themselves up. No one i know makes me hate myself or look down on who i am anymore.

i feel an inner renaissance blooming.

i can't even elaborate. just everything. the sum of its parts.